I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
