we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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