I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize