So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Two words: blizzard sex
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
