I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
