On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i think my mom watched the whole time
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sorry about my life...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
