I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
