LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I believe in your delicious
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