Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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