so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Im part way to drunk.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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