I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
