my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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