So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
