I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
