im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize