Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize