My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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