we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
