I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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