so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dignity is for republicans.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
