You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Pants are for mortals
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
