I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
