Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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