He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
