He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Holy shit dude........stairs
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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