i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
