ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
