we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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