Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
ugly people sure do ruin things
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
