Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
