I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
