I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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