Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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