there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
