It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
