I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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