I seem to have left my pride at pride
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
