Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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