and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize