apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
