First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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