I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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