he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
