who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
