Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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