Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
