i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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