theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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