Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize