9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
