I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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