i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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