i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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