How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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