Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
