Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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