summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
