Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
