I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
