i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
A bitchslap is in order.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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