I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
