Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
