so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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