You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
