is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
