I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
