you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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