Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize